INTERVIEW WITH CYRUS BROACHA - II

Who : Cyrus Broacha
About : Popular Indian Anchor and MTV VJ
Website: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyrus_Broacha

How it happened : Interview with Cyrus Broacha
Interview Date: August,2001
Place: MTV Select Studio, Mumbai
Pic: Below, at the dressing room of the MTV Select studio, Mumbai

Nikhil Taneja (NT) : How would you define yourself ?
Cyrus Broacha (CB) : That’s a very difficult question. I am nearly a human being now. When I learn to be better to my family, I think I’ll be a human being. Otherwise, I am very nice to the general public.

NT : Were you funny from the very beginning or do you HAVE to be funny ?
CB : Boss, this is a very funny question, because, telling you honestly, I don’t want to be funny. I don’t even think of myself as funny. But if people want to think you are funny, you think you are funny, what can you do, its quite funny when you think about it, because I don’t think I am funny ! I don’t even want to be funny or be thought of as funny. (?!?!)

NT :You ventured into Theatre at the very early age of 14. How did you first play, Brighton Memoirs happen ?
CB : How do you know I did Brighton Beach Memoirs ? Very interesting ! Uh...How did it happen ? How did I land up doing it ? That time they used to advertise about auditions in the paper. I used to do normal school plays. The thing is that my sister used to swim a lot. She represented India and I used to train with her as well, but I was a shirker. You know, like the coach says swim 4 x 500m, she would swim 5 x 500m, and I would swim1 x 500m and would need a toast ! So you know, it was already clear that I was trying to find work that was not work. My parents were always keen that we do things and then just sit at home. So since I had a flair for dramatics and talking, they said accha, let’s get rid of him. Let’s give him to somebody else. So when we read an audition in the paper, my Dad said go and take a look. So I just went there. Actually, I didn’t even take it seriously. Because what do I know about auditions or anything. It was in the paper. I was scared when I went there. But the only thing is that everybody there was 25 years old and the audition was for 14-15 year olds, and I was about 14. So even though I was the worst reader and the worst person, they had to take me because everyone else who came was too old. No young people took it seriously. See, that time in ’85, this whole revolution hadn’t taken place. So people hadn’t thought that from doing plays, anything would happen with your life. So it was only for those who wanted to do it as a hobby, or those who came from a family background, where they had studied theatre, or artists or writers, or singers, or something like that, I was the only son of a lawyer there, that I can tell you ! (Laughs)

NT : You have even directed plays. Are all of your plays necessarily funny ?
CB : Uhh...I have never done a play which has not got funny tones to it. I think humour is just a part of your everyday life. I don’t think it’s one thing or everything, but it’s part of the life. It’s difficult to say, but I don’t think I have actually done a straight play, in that sense. Except for a couple of classics in school, but they don’t really count. Because we slept through in the audience also ! (Chuckles)

NT : You have done radio shows and even write articles for Mid Day. How did they happen ?
CB : Yeah...I am writing now articles at three places. One for Mid day, one article for Bombay Times, which will start...

NT : And one for CricketNext.com...
CB : ...And one for Cricket Next. You have done a lot of research...I am really impressed. But it’s a real pain in the sense of deadlines. So I have like Friday night one deadline, Saturday afternoon one deadline. I do everything at the last minute. (Chuckles) So always on Friday nights, I am writing and then I have to type it. How did it happen ? Initially it happened because Mid Day wanted to just have one of these idiot VJs writing some silly column for them. So I was writing one and a Channel V VJ was writing one, about 5 years back. But I don’t know what happened to the Channel V VJ. Forget that...I don’t know what happened to Channel V (Laughs) ! But in the meantime, I just kept writing. I like writing and even though nobody reads what I write, and I read it to myself. And you now, so two people (laughs)!

NT : Yeah... I read the Cyrus Broachaskar Column (On CricketNext.com)
CB : Actually the interesting thing about writing a cricket column is that there is no pressure immediately. Because everybody else who is writing is either a journalist, who is a professional cricket writer, or there is an ex-cricketer. So their views have to be taken seriously. So I think both me and the Cricket Magazine Online are comfortable with the fact that you have someone who is light hearted. And even though I am very passionate and very serious about cricket, and I am a cricket academic...you know, I know my cricket. But I don’t try to pretend that in writing. I just have fun with it. (With a grin) But maybe one day I could be Harsha Bhogle...baal kam hain aur chashma pehan ke..., you never know !

NT :After theatre, why did you go in for being a VJ ?
CB : I didn’t go in for being a VJ. I actually went and studied in the school in the school we sent Shehnaaz (Another MTV VJ) to just now. Except Shehnaaz is never coming back. She is going to stay their for 12 years, she says (!?!?!?). What happened is that I came back and started my own theatre company and I was trying to get into events. I was also working in advertising and I was still in Law College. So, all these things were happening simultaneously. So I was just trying to figure out that when you are still young, and you have started working really young, when you are in your early 20s, you don’t know exactly what you are doing for sometime. Even when you are in college, doing a degree, you try different things. So I was trying to get things organized. And even had an event lined up, which was gonna be our first thing. I even have that cheque, they gave an opening cheque, which of course we had to return to them. But I have got a copy of the cheque – zerox. But I never got the money, because we pulled out and everything happened. That is a very romantic time in your life...it will happen to you about 5-6 years later, when you don’t know what you are doing. But you do your best work then. Whatever you do, you do 100 %, you are very sincere. Then once you know what you are doing, you are like any other government employee. Come to studio, shoot 5 shows, put on shirt, next studio, 5 shows, put on shirt, finish, go home, walk dog, go to sleep, think of your wife, feel scared and things like that !

NT : Is comedy a necessary criteria for being a VJ ?
CB : No, not at all. A person who has no other job – that’s the only criteria. You can get work nowhere else, you have no respect in society, then you come to this field. Now, of course, there is much more comedy. But when I started, they were all very serious. And all of them had American accents and all of them had views on music. And they would talk about this heavy metal group, which was born in 2403 in Poland, and the 2^nd brother had one pimple, and the 3^rd sister had 2 double chins. I used to wonder why they were telling us all this. You know, so I thought that if I ever land up like this, I’ll never take it seriously, because the medium is not serious. It’s TV. People are waiting to see the video. We are just doing Ba-ba in the middle, for about a minute. So keep it light, and have fun with it, and don’t bother everyone. Because if they want it serious, they’ve got discovery channel right there. They don’t need to listen to you. But people who take themselves very seriously, they are the people in the wrong business, at least in this business. In government, they should be, but they are also like us, obviously. So, we can to government, government can become VJs. This is a very simple process that I can tell you. The rest of the country is Okay.

NT :Tell us about your audition for the MTV VJ Selection.
CB : I didn’t really audition, because of TV 18 . TV 18 was a production company. So TV 18 presented a show and they used me as the anchor. So when the show got passed, I automatically became an anchor on MTV. It’s another story that TV 18 is no longer working for us(Chuckles).

NT : MTV Bakra is one of the main reasons that has taken you to the heights of popularity. How was it conceptualized ?
CB : What happened was, that we took the most unintelligent people in the office, the really stupid people – there are 3 or 4 then...actually there are much more dumb people now, but at time there were just 3 or 4. So we took all of them together and we came up with this idea. Actually we were trying to fit in a link to True Lies...you remember True Lies, the show we used to do...it’s Okay if you don’t remember it....I hardly remember it !

NT : I remember it...the show with the very easy question and answers in the end right ?
CB : Yeah, that same thing. The happy things and all that nonsense. So what we did is, we said we will try something different in that. So we used this candid camera format, where you take a real camera and set up a real situation. We had done a taxi driver gig, where I play a taxi driver and the people at the office really liked it. In fact, I remember one night we were sitting and just watching it the second time we had aired it. And the reaction we were getting from the staff, and it wasn’t just these guys, but our peons and all who enjoyed it. So we realized that it was kinda working more than just with your urban college kids. So I think I should then have asked for more money (winks), but after that it was too late...and I had to sign the contract. So I suffer now, with Sabrina’s clothes(Sabrina is his dress designer or simply the person who gives him clothes to wear on shoots !!)

NT :Are you comfortable going around streets, making a fool out of all sorts of people, some of who can even turn dangerous ? Did your MTV – U experience help you initially for Bakra ?
CB : Uh...yeah, MTV-U helped especially in places like Aligarh and Lucknow and Coimbatore, places where I should have been killed and would have been killed ! But whatever reason because of which I was not killed and things went on, I think after my wife, nothing is as scary. So I can face anything. I always think of her and think that if I can face her, I can face anyone ! You know it’s like people who have been in a war. Like if someone has been in the 1971 war, he will say I can handle this situation or any other situation. I know this because my uncle says that...I have been in a war, so I can face whatever problem. It’s the same thing for me. So if I can face my wife, I can do anything. So when the guy gets angry at the barber shop(in a bakra shoot), I say it doesn’t matter ! It’s not as bad ! No, I am just joking ! But yeah, something it’s tough. But now we can just see the body language of the person, generally, and find out what he’s going to do. People don’t react...mostly they don’t react immediately...they will gradually get angry. So if they are getting really angry, you’ve enough time to say sorry. Once or twice I couldn’t interpret it properly when the guy just got angry really fast, but it’s okay. One girl got really angry once when we were doing this teasing thing at the bus stop. And nobody came to help. I was dressed like a mawali and was going on like ey, chalo picture chalenge, chalo na.. so I started touching the girl. And when I started touching the girl, the actress, she got really angry(because she was supposed to get really angry) and she went up to a guy who was 6’3, a big, dark guy. And that guy was really scared, and I just looked at him and said ey, woh kya karega and something like that, but in my mind I was thinking that if he just hits me, there is no question of working again. He didn’t ! He just went away...he must have thought that I am some gang member or something and just left. One lady in a salwar kameez, a typical and strong Indian lady decided that she will teach me a lesson. She picked up her slipper and chased me ! We have some footage of the slipper, but after that she went out of the area, where we had the cameras. Actually, I went out...and she followed me, because I was running. She didn’t cool down too! She took a long time to cool down ! When we explained this whole thing to her, it was really funny, when we were trying to explain to her, the girl (the actress) came out to talk to her and she got even more angry and started shouting, ‘You think it’s a joke? You know how many girls are teased everyday ?’ ..which is true, you can’t sit and have a social battle about the situation in India in 5 minutes. And I come across as very insincere anyway, so I don’t even try. But anyway, it’s not the story !! (Grins)

NT : You yourself were made a Bakra with the help of Prahlad Kakkar. Tell us about it and also what was going inside you during the process and after it.
CB : Unless Prahlad is giving you money to promote him, why are you promoting him ? (Laughs) Actually, it was more Satish, our soundman, who was instrumental in this...and Kunal, my friend, who I treat very badly. So I think he had all this in his heart for over 6 months and had to take it out for all the insults during the 6 months...and Vasant our producer and also Ajit. So they 4 got together and said let’s get him. I was shooting a Pepsi commercial, so naturally, my mind will not be on MTV. They knew I would be shooting the ad, and that would be the best time to get me. Also, the shift was an early morning one, at about 6 or 7. So they came at about 3 in the morning and set up everything and Satish sat in the truck from 5 in the morning, after he had finished rigging it, till 1 : 30, when we took a lunch break, because he had to put the controls on, and he couldn’t take a chance of being spotted by me or anybody else, because I would then put 2 and 2 together and ask what are you doing on a Pepsi shoot ? So that’s the passion and hatred they had for me, because of which they came up with this. But it was fun. You know what happened, since you have seen it. Initially, I thought it was a bakra, because the guy came in and started screaming and all. But when Prahlad slapped him, I got a little scared. Because at such a dramatic moment like that, either you believe it or you don’t believe it...you can’t half believe it. All I said was things like tameez se baat karo Boss, because Prahlad was looking at me, and the guy started abusing him. And you don’t have a lightboy abusing Prahlad Kakkar and talking in a certain tone. It was all funny. I couldn’t get what was happening. He looked at me for help once...he said something to me. And all I could say was, tameez se baat karo boss, because he used a couple of gaalis(foul language). And he looked at me badly, so I went back 5 inches(laughs). Then he started talking to talk to Prahlad some more and then he used some gaalis and then some really bad gaalis, and Prahlad slapped him. Now when Prahlad slapped him, I felt really embarrassed because I felt that a poor guy was being hit by a rich guy – a class problem, firstly. And secondly Prahlad had not paid him and he is known to not pay always pay on time...let’s be honest here and there ! So you know all these things were happening and I thought ki chalo, let’s not interfere ! So I hid like this (he ducks), after he had slapped, and suddenly this guy takes out a gun and a blank sound went and everything. Then everything went really fast in my head and I could see my whole life in one Pepsi ad film and that’s it. It was a little scary at that point. Then he waved the gun ! ...Prahlad went down, bad acting and everything, and that guy waves the gun at me ! And I just went back and said no no no ! So now all the guys of the Bombay Gym and all, who hate me as well, used to talk only about work. You have these rich kids who never talk to you and pretend you don’t exist when you are on TV. And suddenly they all came up to me and said, Man ! Love that Bakra ! And suddenly Bakra was their favourite show ! And I was like yeah ? And they all started acting it out...all the boys ! ‘No no no no !’ Now I ask you, suppose a guy pulls a gun out, even Amitabh Bachchan, without the make up, he pulls a gun and pokes it at your chest, what are you supposed to say ? ‘Maro, mere ko bhi maro !!’ So I was like what to do ? It was all a natural reaction. It looked like I am a bigger coward then anybody else. I am, but it’s just normal. A guy pulls a gun out, shoots a person and you can’t just stand and watch and say, keep it up boss ! So the whole thing was so well shot that at the end of it all, I was proud to be made into such a bakra !

At this moment, bad news. Someone has banged his car and he has to go for a few hours.

When he is back, even though something bad has happened to the car, he is perfectly fine and makes an entry with a joke...as usual. And the interview continues..

NT : Have you ever landed up in legal trouble because of Bakra ?
CB : Legal trouble ? Not legal, but there are a couple of complaints here and there. People feel offended by certain episodes here and there, but I think the success is of anything in life is such that you can’t please everybody. So I think that’s okay. That happens. We have sometimes made mistakes, although we try not to, because something may be insensitive for some people and sensitive for some people. I think basically we have been legal. Except Asif (Another MTV VJ) had once picked up a fight with a weight lifter, who was a lawyer. That was an illegal thing to do...because the lawyer would take him to court !

NT : Who was the best bakra you made ?
CB : That’s difficult yaar. But once we made a Bakra out of our producer, but that’s not been shown. He’s quietly not shown it. One on the Assistant Producer, not shown that too. They are very funny...in fact I am trying to get the footage so that we can show it a little later this year. Because quietly they have not shown their own humiliation ! ...which is very bad, because we must be prepared to take it, like we give it ! I was speaking to Akshaye Khanna and Saif (Ali Khan)...they said their favourite were the barber shop gags. And one Akshaye really liked was the one I was playing drums on a guy’s head and putting all kinds of stuff for a haircut. He can’t believe that a guy can accept that a barber is doing that for a simple haircut and not get angry for so long. So it’s interesting

NT : How did you land up being a Pepsi mascot ?
CB : I think at that time Shahrukh was sick and Amitabh was injured and there were some other problems and they couldn’t find too many people who actually drink and enjoy Pepsi and are willing to endorse it. Some people are shy to do that. But I am desperate for publicity. I said I’ll do anything. I said I’ll wear a sari, I’ll become a little boy, I’ll abuse myself and make fun of my family, anything they want. There was one ad where I had to sit on a goat. And at the end, everybody – all my friends win, except me. And then the goat wins the number and it’s that bad. So to take that kind of humiliation, it takes a strange courage. I have that courage and I’ve worked really hard and I would like to thank a lot of people. Hari especially. Hari is my friend Ramlal’s Bihari driver. Very nice guy ! (And then imagining that Hari is there, he points at a wall and says) Hari, woh aircondition wapis lao please. The rest you can keep. He’s taken everything of mine. It’s true...Hari.

NT : Did the Hai Koi Jawab and Mera Number Kab Aayega ideas crop up in your mind or were they a work of someone else’s genius ?
CB : I don’t have any mind ! This was done by the agency that works for pepsi. The Hai Koi Jawab is written by a guy called Syed. And the first one is written by a girl called Anuja...I just hope I have got their names right. But now they are doing pretty well. They both are copywriters and both the lines are basically comfortable. I think Mera Number Kab Aayega is a very simple philosophy, that the guy never gets it. A lot of people enjoyed it. Hai Koi Jawab is something more about more questions and less answers ! But it’s almost the same thing. My lines are something like, Yaar, shoot ka end kab hoga ?’ That was my line...I don’t know why they didn’t use it. It’s true ! (laughs) That’s my line !

NT : Tell us how you landed up as an anchor at Femina Miss India and what sort of experience it was for you.
CB : Well I was trying to take part in the show, and although my figure was good, I believe my fluency and my answers and stuff like that were not so good. In the swimsuit round, I came 3^rd, actually. I didn’t win it. In the rest I did badly. So then they said okay okay, don’t go home...you’ve come all the way here and all and you are an idiot and this and that, so why don’t you be the anchor ? But I can’t read out on the stage, because my reading skills aren’t good, so they threw me off the main stage and put me on the ground, and those who could read well, were put on the stage...it’s like that. So it was okay. It’s just another job. And I am very proud to be associated with Femina...I would like to thank Mrs.Satya Saran, and everybody else involved with it for giving me a break , but above all, Hari. I mentioned about Ramlal didn’t I ? (And he goes on again)...Woh AC wapas de sakta hai, because it’s summer now, it’s a problem. Just Kidding (laughs)! Hari is in Dubai, man ! He is such a rascal !

NT : What is your role in Om Jai Jagdish Hare ?
CB : I am playing the lead yaar...Anil Kapoor is injured for the final shoot. In fact we had already shot, but what’s her name, Tabu...refused and something happened and she’s out of the film. And I believe we have to re shoot it. It’s just a small bit...now the lead, whoever the lead is...I presume it’s Mahima (Choudhary), but I don’t know...you have to check with the concerned producers...Mr. Anupam Kher. Yeah ? She is ? Oh. So Mahima plays a VJ. That’s the script. She gets Anil Kapoor bakra-ed in some way. That’s part of the script. And that’s where we come in. It’s one days shooting. I think I shouldn’t give it away, because he wanted to keep it quiet and all. So basically, we have to reshoot what we shot. I am not at liberty to tell you the story, because I don’t know what it is, frankly. But it’s something to do with Mahima, if she is the lead, or with Tabu, if she is the lead or with Poonam Dhillon, if she comes back ! Actually I don’t know who is the lead ! I met Mahima at the airport and she told me that I am acting with you !

NT : What do you want to do in life now ?
CB : I am already old. Now I want to retire. 1-2 years more. Now I have got to spend the rest of my life running away from my wife. I hope she doesn’t read this ! She gets really angry when she reads my jokes on her. Really angry means she gets physically violent and all. I have been hit. I have got marks on my body to show you till today. I have got scars to show you, what more can I say. Please take a photo, I am not lying ! (He shows a scar on his elbow and I take a photo, after which he is satisfied !) Now I have decided that I’ll join politics or I’ll buy myself a farm and play cricket with myself.

NT : When were you last serious and on what occasions do you get serious ?
CB : When someone bangs my car! Because I have to face my father with a banged car. I went to home once with a banged car, and I told my dad that I banged the car and my Dad didn’t ask how are you or anything...he was like what happened to the car ?? I was bleeding and all, what happened to the car ? Is this okay, is that okay ? He goes down with a torch to see what happened to the car ! So car scary ! Wife is scarier. Nothing is more scarier than my wife. I am not joking. I live in fear ! My heart beats fast when my mom says she is coming home...my deepest fear comes out then. It’s like when a strict teacher comes in class.

YT : Any last words from the wise ?
CB : Yes. Peace is very important. Especially since you go out to the gulf and places outside India as well. I want to tell the youngsters...PLEASE ! Don’t lose your temper. Peace is the most important thing in the world. And after that, of course, try and make a little money. And that’s it.

ABOUT ME (CYRUS BROACHA) :

You are identified as : A fool

Loved ones call you : Raju

The very first day when you cried and spread smiles all around : When West Indies lost in the Reliance Cup.

Birthday : 7^th August.

Sun Sign : Leo

Favourite Actor : Dustin Hoffman

Favourite Actress : Dustin Hoffman

You would love to tame : My wife

You love to surf the site : CricketNext.com

Music that sets your foot tapping : Chopin mixed with Reggae.

Favourite food : Parsi food, Goan food, Chinese food.

You simply love to dress in : Anything old

Your favourite pastime : Sleeping, cricket and more sleeping

The day when you didn’t know where to hide your face : My wedding Day

A striking event which left a lasting impression : My 10^th standard exams. I am still scared.

The one and only wish that you want, fulfilled : Peace in the World